


the biggest question mark in my life

by Bijouu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Domestic Fluff, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bijouu/pseuds/Bijouu
Summary: SS Prompt: Hueningkai is always there for Soobin in every sweet beginning and bitter end of his relationships. Their friends wonder why they don't date each other when they look more like a couple than Soobin ever did with his ex-boyfriends."Where there were lines and lines of text in Hueningkai’s brain, it didn’t communicate with that tricky thing in his chest. Hueningkai was exclamation marks and Soobin was sweet, run on sentences from an overactive mind, and together, Hueningkai didn’t know what they were.Maybe just one big question mark."
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 11
Kudos: 97
Collections: TXT Secret Santa Fic Fest 2020





	the biggest question mark in my life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreaminglows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminglows/gifts).



> Hello and happy holidays! Here's a super fluffy take on this prompt. Dear nine, I hope you enjoy this fic and thank you for such an amazing event!

“Doesn’t he look really good?”

Hueningkai looked over from where he was, eating some chips on Yeonjun’s office chair. He turned himself this way and that, leaning to peer past Yeonjun’s blue hair and to Soobin, sat on a stool directly in front of the eldest. Since he’d introduced the two of them to each other, they were almost as inseparable as he and Soobin were, but it’s not like Hueningkai minded. They fit together like complementary pieces; like sour lemonade and sweet cherry syrup, his Yeonjun-hyung and Soobin-hyung.

Soobin wasn’t so adventurous, but Yeonjun definitely was. Soobin was a little bit of a homebody, but Yeonjun dragged him out to delicious food places and invited Soobin on late night walks around the park just past the apartment complex’s parking lot. Hueningkai wasn’t surprised to find Yeonjun in his and Soobin’s shared apartment sometimes, the two of them lounging on the couch, watching some silly movies that Hueningkai knew would just put Soobin to sleep.

And Hueningkai trusted him, which was the biggest reason that their closeness was endearing.

All he’d done was get them in the same room with each other and become pleased to know that they had such good chemistry with each other. It helped Hueningkai’s mind a little, especially knowing that Yeonjun was a rather genuine and humble guy, despite his apparent wealth that came from his profession. 

Hueningkai had been there for every precious start to Soobin’s relationships, and had been the one to soothe him when they ultimately failed. Although it broke his heart to see Soobin so sad, sometimes… Hueningkai wonders if certain things are meant to end, so that other things can bloom beautifully. 

Just like this.

“Mmm, he looks good, hyung,” Hueningkai grinned with a little thumbs up. For the last hour, Yeonjun had been experimenting with Soobin’s makeup, something about Soobin being the perfect canvas, with his clear skin and beautiful proportions. Hueningkai was in no position to disagree, not with how brilliant Soobin looked with blush and fake freckles so high up on his cheeks. 

Hueningkai always thought that his Soobin-hyung looked amazing, but it was nice to see him being pampered a little.

With Soobin working that modeling gig from time to time in between obtaining his psychology degree, and Hueningkai having met the best cosplay and special effects Youtuber on this side of the world (honestly, how could Hueningkai not watch something titled “Turning My Friends into Anime Characters!”), it was almost like their fates were meant to align. Hueningkai was happy enough that the connection made between Soobin and Yeonjun just... happened.

“What do you think about the color, Kai?”

He hummed, leaning onto the armrest of the chair. Yeonjun’s loft was pretty and just as fashionable as himself, but monochromatic in color. The pretty glitters underneath Soobin’s eye had enough prismatic pigment for the entire room anyways. 

“The thing about it… oh you know, what’s it called?” Hueningkai hummed, snapping his finger in an attempt to recall. “I think… the tone that you used. I think it fits Soobin-hyung’s skin really well.”

“I know right?” Yeonjun teased, biting down on his tongue with a little wink and scooting back to take a better look at Soobin.

“This isn’t what I usually do,” Soobin had said, looking into a mirror, obviously interested but still a little shy, from what Hueningkai could see. The tips of his ears were much too red for him not to be.

“Thank you for letting me be adventurous with your look today, then,” Yeonjun smiled, a little more fond, a little softer, in Soobin’s direction.

Hueningkai couldn’t help but smile too at the high flush of pink on Soobin’s cheeks (definitely not the blush this time) as Yeonjun turned to dig around in one of the many makeup drawers that he had. 

Wordlessly, Hueningkai offered a chip to Soobin, who leaned in with his mouth open to take it from Hueningkai’s fingers. Cheekily, Hueningkai teased him, snatching the chip back right before Soobin could bite down. “You fall for it every time!” He laughed, tilting his head back and rocking back onto the office chair when all Soobin did was whine.

“I don’t get why you tease me!” Soobin whined, hitting his palms onto his thighs. “I’m starving, feed me already, ugh- Hueningkai!” 

After the little dress-up nights became more and more common, it didn’t surprise Hueningkai when Yeonjun and Soobin started officially dating. They had an undeniable chemistry that Hueningkai patted himself on the back for. 

Seeing Soobin so happy and glowing with Yeonjun’s attention too was enough to make Hueningkai happy. Since they were kids, Soobin had taken Hueningkai in as a friend and cherished him so much. Hueningkai’s happiness, he felt, was directly correlated with the time that he spent with Soobin. Despite their few years difference, Soobin watched over him, and Hueningkai too had developed into a less shy version of himself over the years.

To say that he was indebted to Soobin would be an understatement. Hueningkai would do anything, introduce Soobin to anyone as long as he was kept happy.

It was another easy night, and Hueningkai was glad to just watch Soobin not-fuss about what to wear to visit Yeonjun later.

“You look good, Soobinie-hyung,” Hueningkai fondly smiled, laying stomach down on Soobin’s bed as the other held up a jacket in front of himself, debating on wearing it for that night’s date. 

“Is it- So I don’t need a jacket?” Soobin asked, peering at Hueningkai through the mirror. “But it’s going to get chilly later and…”

“I meant, you look so good and happy. Seeing you all excited just…” Hueningkai vaguely made a sparkly motion with his fingers. “Yeah I dunno. You look so alive right now.”

“Don’t say that like I’ve been looking like a zombie or something.”

“Well…” 

Hueningkai screamed, rolling around on the bed when Soobin grabbed one of the nearest, plush objects and started to relentlessly smack Hueningkai a little bit with it. “Aye, I’m just!- Ouch!”

Soobin frowned, setting the jacket onto the desk in his room and ruffling back Hueningkai’s bangs from his forehead. “Are you alright? I didn’t mean to hit you hard, I’m sorry…”

It was nothing more than Hueningkai overreacting of course. He blinked up at Soobin, saw the way his lower lip stuck out in concern, and followed the sharp angle to the other’s brows too. It would’ve been cute, seeing Soobin-hyung pout, had he not just been trying to mess with him. 

“Uhh… I think the plastic eye on the plushie smacked my forehead,” Hueningkai lied in embarrassment.

It wasn’t his intention to make Soobin purposely worry about hurting him, and especially seeing how Soobin had stopped playing around like that when he heard Hueningkai’s yelp, well… That was definitely something new too. 

There was no denying it, Hueningkai’s best friend was probably the most handsome man on the planet. Sometimes, when Soobin looked at him, Hueningkai felt shy about the attention.

“Hyung will treat you to ice cream if it welts up, but if it doesn’t…. Sounds like it’s someone else’s fault for leaving a deadly weapon in my room.”

Hueningkai snorted, pushing himself up as Soobin laughed and turned to pick up his jacket again instead. “You’re not going to ask if I’m okay?” 

“I know it didn’t hurt, Kai-yah. The plushie’s eyes aren’t plastic. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings.”

Perhaps Soobin was just as good at reading Hueningkai as Hueningkai was at reading Soobin too.

When Soobin looked himself in the mirror one last time, Hueningkai didn’t bother looking away, picking up the ‘deadly weapon’ of a plush and holding it on his lap. When he didn’t offer anything in response to the callout, Soobin merely raised an eyebrow at Hueningkai through the reflection and laughed through his nose. “Now you’re going to pout?”

“I’m not pouting,” Hueningkai said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I’m devising a plan to make a fake welt so you’ll have no choice but to get ice cream on your way home.”

Soobin laughed again, tilting his head back, and Hueningkai couldn’t help but follow suit. “Do your best! No begging Yeonjun-hyung for SFX tips, that’s cheating,” he clarified. 

Hueningkai had always been the one who said goodbye to Soobin when he left for his dates. Despite being a rather outgoing person himself, he liked to stay at home and be available, just in case Soobin needed someone comforting to come home to. Or at least, that was what he told himself, as he waved Soobin goodbye at the door to their apartment. “Have fun, Soobin-hyung!” 

A lot of things that Hueningkai did, he did for Soobin, and that was just a fact. 

Like waiting on the couch, bored and late into the night. 

It would soon be another rainy month here, and sometimes Hueningkai liked to open the door to the balcony and breathe in the pre-rainy sky. He tired himself out purposely, turning this way and that, playing apps on his phone like it could put him to peace.

How could it replace company though?

For as much as Hueningkai encouraged Soobin to go out on dates and have fun with his own friend groups, the empty apartment was just… a little too weird. Without Soobin at home, Hueningkai didn’t know if he even had the energy to be productive. 

Surely, his own decaying Youtube channel was aching for some new upload, and the camera sitting on the desk in his room was going to collect dust if he ignored it for long enough. But the night was tiring, especially spent alone. His friend Taehyun, and their newly acquainted friend, Beomgyu, probably wouldn’t be able to visit on such a short notice either. They weren’t kids; they didn’t need to ask permission to see each other, but Hueningkai didn’t want to infringe on other peoples’ plans.

Hueningkai lay on his back and slung his legs over the arm of the couch, letting them dangle over the edge. It had been a while since Soobin had officially dated someone, and that meant it had been a while since Hueningkai had been left home alone. He frowned. 

* * *

What made it so different this time, than all the last? 

The last guy that Soobin had dated wasn’t someone that Hueningkai had known.

“He takes good care of me,” Soobin had explained back then, caught in the doorway with Hueningkai.

Hueningkai hadn’t wanted to say something about Soobin’s new boyfriend. That relationship was already months into the making, but the moments that he spent with the guy when Soobin wasn’t around had never been anything short of weird. “I just want to make sure that you’re happy,” Hueningkai had frowned, letting go of Soobin’s elbow. 

Soobin watched Hueningkai’s expression closely before melting into a fond sigh of his own. “Thanks for worrying about me, Hueningie,” he murmured, pinching Hueningkai’s chin between two of his fingers. “It’s just another dinner date. I’ll text you to let you know when I’m coming home.”

Hueningkai wanted to laugh at himself, either in nervousness or disbelief. That was only if Soobin were going to come home in the first place. He knew how things went with Soobin and his dates, and Hueningkai couldn’t really blame him. He knew that Soobin was an affectionate person if other people initiated things first, and he also knew that for as much as Soobin could be shy, he was pretty brave when it came to love.

But something about this new guy didn’t sit right in Hueningkai’s stomach, hadn’t sat right in Hueningkai’s stomach since the first time he’d met him. He didn’t like how he held around Soobin’s waist, or took pictures of him all the time. He didn’t like how Soobin never got to choose the places that they went out to eat. 

He didn’t like that Soobin was always the one waiting around. 

Whether he was uncomfortable initiating things on his own, or if it wasn’t expected for him or something - Hueningkai didn’t want to be the one to call Soobin out on what he noticed. He didn’t want to be looking into Soobin’s relationships too hard, but the Soobin’s string of heartbreaks over the years made him just a little more protective than he’d otherwise be.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Okay, yeah. Let me know, so I know if I should leave the hallway light on or something.”

There was no fighting Soobin on this; Soobin was an adult who could handle things on his own, but Hueningkai was uncertain about letting Soobin stray too far from their regular, comfortable bubble of their apartment. He wondered if Soobin too, felt the pull and warmth of their home. Did he realize how cold the world was outside of these doors?

But Hueningkai could trust Soobin. He could always trust Soobin.

He smiled when Soobin gave him a hug goodbye. He trusted Soobin, he trusted in Soobin’s confidence and how happy he’d seemed to be going out that night. It had been some time since Soobin had gone out on a proper date with this guy anyways.

It had shocked Hueningkai when Soobin had come home not even two hours later, without texting Hueningkai. 

“Hyung?” Hueningkai curiously called from the couch, craning his neck to see over the back of the couch. 

Soobin paused in the kitchen, pouring himself some water to drink. His ears were a deep red, and the flush spread down to even his neck. The way he moved was so lethargic, but Hueningkai could hear Soobin gulp the water down like he’d been starved of it for years. 

When Soobin still didn’t answer him, Hueningkai stepped up on the cushions of the couch and over the back of it, padding gently into the kitchen instead of boisterously like he otherwise might’ve. The closer that Hueningkai got, the more he realized just how much Soobin looked like shit.

“Hyung, what happened?” Hueningkai frowned, eyebrows coming together. He looked over the other’s body first, eyeing him up and down, and only when he was satisfied with Soobin’s otherwise pristine condition, hooked his chin on Soobin’s shoulder.

“I’m just…” 

When Soobin shuddered in a breath, Hueningkai could feel it rattle his shoulders and collarbones. He wrapped his arms around Soobin’s torso.

“So embarrassed.”

He’d let Soobin have his time alone. 

It wasn’t really his place to judge what had happened, and prying it out of Soobin would only hurt his feelings even more. Hueningkai watched something play on the T.V in the living room, but kept the volume low just to hear when the shower was turned off. When Soobin had shuffled back into the living room, shaking water from his still-damp fringe, Hueningkai scooted over and gave him room on the couch.

That was where the both of them did most of their thinking, with Soobin up against the armrest and Hueningkai up against Soobin’s side.

“He left me waiting there for an hour before finally saying he couldn’t make it.”

Hueningkai pulled a pillow onto his lap. “That’s not fair. It took you guys forever for your schedules to match up like that.”

Soobin had only sighed, quickly slouching down against Hueningkai’s side. “I know. I’m just… embarrassed for wasting peoples’ time.” 

“You didn’t waste anyone’s time though,” Hueningkai quickly cut in, rubbing Soobin’s shoulder like he could brush off all of the weight that settled there. He knew how much broken promises affected Soobin; it was only natural for his feelings to be hurt. Hueningkai couldn’t begin to imagine what Soobin must have felt, what the workers at the place must have assumed of him. “If anything, that guy really… he kind of wasted _your_ time, I think.”

“If something came up, I can’t be mad about it,” Soobin mumbled, and Hueningkai had actually managed to scrunch his nose up at that.

“Hyung, you’re allowed to feel what you want. So if you wanna be mad about it, you can be mad about it. But if you wanna just forget about it, we can play games and forget about it.” 

Soobin’s hair was drying weirdly, from leaning onto Hueningkai’s shoulder as he’d been doing. It bunched up above his ear, and when he turned his face up to look at Hueningkai properly, Hueningkai was relieved to see that Soobin was in a much better state than he was in earlier. That was enough, of course. Even after Hueningkai repeatedly whooped Soobin’s ass at some fighting game on their shared Nintendo Switch, Soobin’s mood didn’t seem to dip down into that same embarrassment as before.

Later that night, they’d parted ways, but Hueningkai still found himself climbing into Soobin’s bed just as they’d done when they were younger. Soobin didn’t do much more than roll over and give him some space so that Hueningkai would (gratefully) not roll off the bed in the middle of the night. They were much too old for this; they’d grown considerably since their childhood days, and their legs were much too long to be sharing the bed as they were. Neither of them could really complain. 

Soobin and Hueningkai were so comfortable with each other, the more ridiculous option would be to put distance between them.

In the week following that incident, Soobin had come home early one day as Hueningkai was cleaning a counter in their kitchen. He’d wanted to film an update video for his channel, vlog style, and although he wasn’t usually self conscious about being seen as a messy person, there was something comfortable about sitting on a barstool in their clean, little kitchen. 

“Oh, hyung?” Hueningkai called.

“Kai-yah,” Soobin responded, tossing their apartment keys a little less than gracefully onto the table. They slid, jingling as they did so, almost far enough to slide off the edge. “We should do something interesting today.”

Hueningkai stood up straight, tossing the crumbs that he’d cleaned up into the sink. “Um, sure?” He laughed nervously. “Like right now?”

Soobin seemed to realize afterward, with Hueningkai’s camera stand and his set lights out, that Hueningkai must have had plans. “Oh- If you’re busy, it doesn’t have to be right now! I’m just… in the mood for adventure?”

“Adventure… right…” Hueningkai dusted his hands off one more time, peering around Soobin and noticing that his bookbag had been ditched on the floor behind the couch. “Not that I’m against adventure, Soobin-hyung, but this is pretty sudden?”

“Right, yeah- well,” Soobin stammered, sighing with such a great force that it melted his shoulders forward and he found himself sinking into one of the kitchen barstools. “I want to do something exciting.” 

It wasn’t until a week after _that_ , after a visit to the hair salon and a couple of nice selcas later, that the now purple-haired Soobin had confessed what this new energy was about.

“Found out he was seeing someone else. He said I was too boring, that I didn’t put in enough work,” Soobin casually mentioned, as if they were talking about the weather.

It broke Hueningkai’s heart to hear Soobin speak about something so sad in such a nonchalant way too.

(It also made Hueningkai angry to no end, but it was useless to fight on a lost cause.)

It made Hueningkai’s throat squeeze when Soobin didn’t do so much as frown, like he was merely inconvenienced, but his fingers trembled a little as he picked at his food on his plate. With the chopsticks hovering in the air as Soobin decided on what piece of meat to take onto his plate next, the wavering became more noticeable. There used to be a time where Soobin cried easily, overwhelmed by life and stress, and heartbreak. 

His dry eyes were concerning. It was almost like Soobin had given up feeling. 

“You put in way more work than he did, Soobinie-hyung,” Hueningkai had only sighed in response. 

Soobin shrugged, taking the piece he’d finally chosen and moving it onto Hueningkai’s plate instead. “There are things I regret,” he answered instead. 

“Don’t sit on your regrets too long, Soobinie-hyung. You’re an amazing person, and if one guy can’t see that, then… Whatever. Important people will tell you how worth it you are.” Hueningkai felt fire in his eyes, felt something burning deep in his chest. 

Sitting across from Soobin there, Hueningkai was clenching his chopsticks in his hand like he was in pure disbelief, that anyone could have done something like this to Soobin. It made him upset that Soobin _wasn’t_ getting upset. He wondered if it was because Soobin wasn’t actually hurting at all, or if he thought that crying about this was a waste of time. 

Soobin’s eyes softened, and he smiled, kicking at Hueningkai’s ankle under the table. “I know, Hueningie. I know who the important people in my life are, and I listen to them all the time, I promise.”

That was comforting, and as much as Hueningkai had felt selfish for needing the reassurance that Soobin wasn’t suppressing anything, he was glad to have heard that from the other. 

“Besides, wasn’t it more fun spending time with your favorite person ever?”

“Oh? You just want to say you’re my favorite, you just want to be Soobinie’s favorite forever,” Soobin had laughed, pinching Hueningkai’s chin between his fingers again, and Hueningkai couldn’t help but laugh as well, tossing his head back at the ridiculousness.

“Even your mom says so, and I trust her!” 

* * *

That last person Soobin dated only wasted Soobin’s time. 

The difference from then until now was that a single Soobin was a Soobin who spent most of his waking moments with Hueningkai. The passage of time was so fast and so slow, it came all at once and simultaneously dragged out through the weeks.

But at least now, with Soobin dating someone like Yeonjun, Hueningkai felt like he could worry less. He didn’t have to worry about Soobin pocketing his feelings, not when Yeonjun himself was rather expressive and open. Hueningkai didn’t want to interject into their relationship, but somehow, it felt comfortable enough to just exist in the room with them.

Soobin would be fine, Hueningkai thought, sighing the stress away from the tension in his back as he melted into the couch and fell asleep right there.

Soobin and Hueningkai were close enough in age that they were stuck by each other's sides since they were young. Their parents were good friends of each other, and that meant that Soobin was invited to play with Hueningkai and his siblings whenever their families met up to talk about this and that. Being the only sons around, they had naturally become friends over time, and Soobin had been the one to help the otherwise shy Hueningkai become a little more bold during high school, despite being somewhat of a shy person himself.

It was like the roles had flipped somewhere along the line. 

When Soobin had left for college and Hueningkai had eventually followed after him, it was like his best friend had suddenly grown to touch the sky. He was taller, more bold, he liked to play around a little more, but his laugh was still the same full-body cackle that Soobin loved for it to be. To Soobin, there was nothing better than seeing Hueningkai absolutely radiate gold into the world. 

Soobin felt plain in comparison, but plain wasn’t bad. Plain was just getting his degree, working toward finishing his education, and making some money on the side by modeling for clothing brands. His closets were ridiculously stuffed with clothes that had been mailed for him to try on and maybe post pictures of on Instagram, and every time, he tried to hide his messy study desk from the frame.

Soobin liked it when things were simple. He liked to simply enjoy life, simply go to school, simply sneak around the back of the couch whenever Hueningkai was filming in the apartment kitchen for one of his Youtube videos. Every so often, he’d find himself in front of Hueningkai’s camera, as the younger would bravely place him there and practice portfolio shoots for something that Soobin didn’t understand.

“It’s because you fit the theme,” Hueningkai explained once, turning Soobin’s head this way and that with a gentle finger under his chin. “But thank you anyways for being my model.”

Their living room turned photoshoot was relaxing enough. Soobin and Hueningkai had spent many spring days like that, with the windows open and the humid air smelling fresh like rain. The sheer white curtains were the perfect backdrop, and it tickled the back of Soobin’s neck when the wind blew it against him.

“What’s the theme?” Soobin asked, holding still when Hueningkai seemed satisfied and scurried back to his side of the camera.

“Hmm… something like ‘brilliance’? It was a long prompt. I just remember that word standing out for me.”

Hueningkai had a way of making Soobin feel like the most confident soul on the planet. It was ridiculous almost, how Hueningkai used to be the shy one, and how Soobin had become a bit of an extrovert-turned-ambivert but kind of a giant homebody. Sure it was a little different for them now that they were older, but Hueningkai made Soobin feel like a person who was loved on this planet.

And Soobin cared after his best friend of course. He had no issue ordering drinks at the cashier for Hueningkai when the other just wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, and he dragged Hueningkai to study with him on nights when the younger just couldn’t kick himself into gear.

(Hueningkai was a brilliant student to begin with. It was just that Soobin knew that Hueningkai tended to be a bit harsh on himself over his performance, and sometimes studying together was enough tactical comfort that Hueningkai could glide through the anxious thoughts instead of letting himself sit alone in them for too long.) 

Things happened easily for Soobin and Hueningkai. 

They didn’t fight often, and when they did, it resolved itself naturally. Soobin knew when to apologize, when he’d pushed Hueningkai’s buttons or teased him a little too much, and Hueningkai did the exact same for him. Throughout their years of friendship, he grew to know Hueningkai as a person and a permanent soul in his life. He thought that Hueningkai was pretty transparent with his feelings, even if he too tried to hide the more negative ones deep down.

They joked about being soulmates, but what was the extent of its platonic nature between them?

Soobin had thought about it once or twice.

(Or a million times altogether.)

He knew Hueningkai like the back of his hand. He had all of the other’s moles mapped and memorized, and knew just what silly things could make Hueningkai laugh as brightly as he did. Soobin felt like home with Hueningkai. They’d never lost their closeness, not even when Soobin left for college sooner than Hueningkai did, so Soobin would just know those things.

Or maybe he just knew him well enough to tell what that look in Hueningkai’s eyes meant.

Or maybe it was just way too obvious that Hueningkai had been trying to set him up on dates since his last failure of a relationship.

“I think you both will get along well. He’s kind of…. Kind of a, oh, you know,” Hueningkai had said with a flippant wave of his hand, “Kind of um… scary at first but really he’s dorky. So like you almost, except minus the scary part. You can’t scare a single thing.”

Soobin snorted, leaning over Hueningkai’s arm to take a look at the video that Hueningkai was watching. The person on the screen was undoubtedly cute (something about those damn high cheekbones, or maybe the shimmery silver piercings adorning their cute ears), but Soobin wasn’t looking forward to starting anything brand new. His last relationship had left him feeling hollow.

(Boring was okay, he had to remind himself. Even if he’d bored his last partner away, and then had been too flippant with the one before that, well- they just must not have understood each other as much as Soobin had originally thought.)

“If you don’t want to go alone on your first meeting with Yeonjun, hyung’ll go with you, if that’s what all this is about,” Soobin had shrugged, sighing himself back onto the couch. “You know, just to make you comfortable on your first real meet up.”

And on their first meet up, at some nice looking café that Soobin knew would leave a delicious dent in his wallet, they’d met Yeonjun.

“Hueningkai!” Yeonjun had absolutely beamed, and Hueningkai had let go of Soobin’s arm (how long had they been holding onto each other?) to go greet the stranger.

As much as Soobin knew that Hueningkai was pretty sociable, it was still strange to see him greet someone that Soobin had never met before. More often than not, their friend groups tended to overlap, and Soobin simply stood there, unsure of what to do with his hands aside from shove them into his pocket and hope that they’ll finish greeting each other soon so that he can introduce himself too.

Soobin finally got his chance when Hueningkai and Yeonjun both turned to look at him expectantly. He politely smiled and did just that. 

Sometimes, Soobin became drained of his energy when he was out of the house, but it wasn’t to say that he didn’t find people interesting or exciting. His social battery was small to begin with, but with the right people, it could last for hours and hours. Maybe that was why he didn’t mind being out with Hueningkai, who matched conversations to his pace or played around with him when no one would laugh at his jokes. 

Yeonjun wasn’t terrible either; not on the eyes, and not in personality. 

“You know, hyung,” Hueningkai had casually mentioned when they were finally home. He’d tossed an arm around Soobin and nuzzled his cheek once on the other’s shoulder. “I could’ve sworn that Yeonjun-hyung was checking you out.”

“Yeah because I’m so dressed to the nines right now,” Soobin snorted, looking down at his casually chosen clothes that he’d worn on their first “in real life” meeting with Yeonjun. “You’re kidding,” Soobin had laughed, waddling the both of them into the kitchen. “It’s probably because you both know each other and he doesn’t know me. That’s how these things usually go, it’s a first meeting Kai-yah.” 

Hueningkai slumped right off of Soobin, much to the older’s amusement. He reached out to steady Hueningkai, tossing his head back in a laugh when Hueningkai comically wiggled his eyebrows at Soobin but maintained a pout on his face.

“Come on, old man! Bet he thinks you’re cute. Bet.”

“Go ahead, I know,” Soobin teased back, sticking his tongue out when Hueningkai started fake-swatting Soobin’s hands off of his arms. “I can see the gears turning in your head. You better not try anything funny.”

When Hueningkai’s phone vibrated on the kitchen counter, the younger snatched it right up, took a half a second to look at the message, and then his thumbs were flying at a reply.

“Done,” Hueningkai triumphantly shrugged.

Soobin, who was looking around the fridge for some soda to help settle his stomach from their mainly pastry-brunch-lunch-thing, barely looked back over his shoulder. “What’s done?”

“Plans. If you weren’t free next weekend- you’re gonna be, because you love me too much to not come with me to Yeonjun-hyung’s place.”

Honestly, Soobin should have expected for something like that to happen.

Hueningkai seemed excited, smug almost, but mostly happy and having fun watching Soobin’s cheeks turn pink whenever they were around Yeonjun. But this was okay- the company was okay. It was okay for Hueningkai to tease him with the chips he was munching on, and it was okay that Yeonjun was leaning in so close to paint something light onto his lips with a soft, little brush. 

Secretly, Soobin wasn’t sure if it was Yeonjun’s gentle fingers and the swipes of brushes against his face that was making him flush, or it was that he could feel Hueningkai’s eyes fixed on his face for the past few hours. 

He tried to answer his own questions. 

Was Soobin doing the most that he could in his new relationship? Yeonjun was quick to hold hands and pretend to be confident about it, and Soobin mostly pretended to be shy just to lessen the load of embarrassment from the older’s shoulders. For as long as it was lasting, Soobin found himself wondering in some situations whether he was contributing at all, if he was becoming that “boring” partner who wanted to stay home more days than not. 

Soobin didn’t have the energy for spontaneity.

“I don’t think he’s the type to want to be just picked up and taken somewhere. He’s a busy person, right?” Soobin thought aloud, stirring honey into some tea. Hueningkai had been complaining about a sore throat lately, and as he brought the mug to the couch, seeing Hueningkai’s itchy, red eyes and nose, Soobin fondly huffed through his (thankfully) unstuffy nose. “Really letting some pollen put you down?”

“I can’t help it,” Hueningkai complained, gratefully taking the hot mug into his hands when Soobin passed it to him. “I took some allergy medicine this morning, I don’t know why it’s so bad this season.”

When he pouted, Soobin only rolled his eyes, making himself comfortable beside his best friend. It was comfortable, the way that Hueningkai tossed his long legs over Soobin’s lap, turning his back to the armrest to face Soobin. They were always comfortable like this, somewhat folded over one another. It was typical- wherever Soobin went, Hueningkai followed, and wherever Hueningkai went, Soobin was sure to keep an eye on him too.

Hueningkai was a precious person in Soobin’s life, and that was an undebatable fact. Even when he was snotty from the weather and the edge of his nose was red from being wiped with tissues over and over, even when Hueningkai let his gross little Kleenex pile accumulate on the side table, he was so precious.

Soobin had said it once before, gleaming over Hueningkai’s shoulder as he introduced him to his past boyfriend. 

“There’s not a single person on this planet who can dislike Hueningkai.”

Hueningkai liked playing mobile games on lazy days like this one, and whatever he was currently invested with played its cute 8bit sounds into their otherwise silent apartment. 

“Doesn’t your battery drain if you just leave it like that?” Soobin asked, pointing to the abandoned phone on Hueningkai’s lap. 

“Mm?” Hueningkai hummed over the edge of his hot mug. “I guess but we’re not going anywhere today, right? I’ll just sit by the outlet if I need to charge it.”

That was right, Soobin thought, relaxing his shoulders even more into the cushion of their couch. They could do things plainly like this. Not every day had to be exciting, not every one of their interactions had to be out of this world. They could just exist beside each other, and that would be enough. Soobin wouldn’t have to do anything for Hueningkai to know he appreciated him.

He wondered where he went wrong with the last person he’d dated. Was the world just more different than he thought, or had he become complacent with this plain (simple, lovely) comfort that he found in some of his most important people?

“I’m going to fall asleep right here,” Soobin sighed, slumping even further into the couch. He held his head up in his hand, leaning onto the armrest as Hueningkai continued to oddly sniffle and cough beside him. “Kai-yah, that cough doesn’t sound good?”

“It’s just allergies,” the younger reaffirmed with a little wave of his hand. “If you fall asleep here, you’re gonna hurt your neck. You don’t wanna take a nap in your room or something?”

“I’m kind of liking the 8bit from your phone though,” Soobin quickly quipped.

The silence was weird without Hueningkai somewhat in it. The apartment was weird without Hueningkai in it; Soobin had definitely learned that while waiting for the younger to graduate high school already and join him in college. 

“Ohh?” Hueningkai snorted, leaning over to set his near-finished cup of tea down onto the coffee table. “Soobinie-hyung likes me so much, hmm?” He laughed, swinging his legs around to cuddle up against Soobin’s side. His phone slid right off his lap and lay abandoned at the other end of the couch. “Honestly though, I could go for a nap right now too. These allergies have sucked the life out of me.”

Soobin slung an arm over the back of the couch, making room for Hueningkai to (attempt) to get all comfortable. He was much like a big golden retriever puppy, just a bright little thing that didn’t realize how much space on the couch he took it. It was all that damn leg, Soobin thought. 

Looking closer now, he noticed a pink flush across Hueningkai’s nose and cheeks. He really must’ve been congested to hell and back.

“Yeah yeah, you eat up the attention,” Soobin teased right back, pinching the bridge of the younger’s nose, if just to watch him squirm. “You want to be hyung’s favorite so bad.”

“Oh suuuure,” Hueningkai laughed, swatting at Soobin’s wrist to free his nose from the other’s (light) death grip. “Junnie-hyung is the favorite right now, but I’ve been the favorite for much, much longer, and that’s good enough for me. C'mon, let’s take a nap, my head’s hurting.”

Their relationship was so simple. 

Hueningkai was comforting, even if his body was a little too warm and their legs a little too long when they squeezed into Hueningkai’s bed and tried their very hardest not to accidentally sweep the younger’s plushies onto the floor with their little rearrangements. Though the curtains were closed, a bit of the sun snuck between the gap of the fabric and the window and made golden stripes on the floor.

Hueningkai was out like a light, with or without the sun hitting him right in the face, and Soobin lifted one edge of the comforter to make a little shield around the other’s head. 

Soobin really did try to answer his own questions. He didn’t like to rely on others for things too often, but he did like to talk about things that were on his mind if someone else asked him first. Maybe that’s what made it so easy for Hueningkai and Soobin to understand each other. Hueningkai liked to prod his brain at times, asking him questions about this and that.

And Soobin tried to answer them. 

Here, hearing Hueningkai snore through his stuffy nose and breathe through his mouth because of the congestion, Soobin wondered if he was worrying over the wrong kinds of things.

He stared at the ceiling instead, feeling a little less sleepy than he’d initially thought.

In the following days, Soobin had set aside some time to meet up with Yeonjun to do something fun, though they hadn’t really made a for-sure plan through their texts and calls just yet. He didn’t want to bore the ever-brilliant Yeonjun with something plain either; Yeonjun had been the one to drag Soobin out to do exciting and brand new things. Their arcade dates or past-midnight walks were things that Soobin would’ve never pictured himself doing on his own, but Yeonjun pushed him past his comfort level.

And that wasn’t a bad thing. Soobin genuinely had fun with Yeonjun whenever they were together. It was supposed to be Soobin’s turn to figure something out (or at least, he’d told himself that he would try to be brave and bold and maybe invite Yeonjun to a raccoon café or one of those VR arcades), but…

Looking at Hueningkai, Soobin wasn’t sure if he could do it.

The other had managed to get himself bedridden with the grossest cold of the century.

“Hey, Yeonjun-hyung,” Soobin said, voice low into his phone. He wasn’t really a good chef- Soobin actually wasn’t the most fantastic person to be in the kitchen at all- but he’d dedicated himself to getting an easy, nutritious soup recipe from his mom earlier. The notification at the top of his phone screen showed a simple D-3 to date night with Yeonjun. Nervously, Soobin licked his lips.

“Soobinie! How’ve you been? How’s Kai?”

“Well, about that…” Soobin winced, hearing Hueningkai sneeze from the room over. “He’s not looking too good. Hey, I hate to do this but, if I don’t take care of him, I think his mom and my mom will send their spirits all the way here to personally choke me to death. I don’t know if we can hang out this week…”

The little hum that came from the other end of the line made the back of Soobin’s neck start to sweat.

“Is that alright, hyung?” Soobin asked with a frown.

“What? Of course it’s alright. I’m not mad or anything, if that’s what you’re worrying about,” Yeonjun answered with a fond, light laugh. “You need help or something though? I can do groceries and take them to you if you don’t want to leave Kai alone at home. He texted me earlier but was probably so out of it, there were like a billion typos.”

Soobin sighed without really meaning to. The nervous weight that accumulated on his shoulders, for having to reschedule with Yeonjun, slipped away the more that Yeonjun continued to ramble about their friend. 

Had it been someone else, Soobin was sure they’d be pissed.

“If you want to visit, I won’t say no,” Soobin said, putting both of his elbows onto the counter. “Maybe Kai will get some energy seeing his favorite hyung visit too.”

Yeonjun’s laugh on the other end of the line was enough to crack a smile out of Soobin. “His favorite hyung? I wish!” 

Unsurprisingly, Yeonjun did end up at Soobin and Hueningkai’s apartment, and he’d been nice enough to buy some forehead packs for Hueningkai’s fever and a little fox plushie he’d probably seen in the checkout line.

It wasn’t a date; no, caring for Hueningkai at Soobin’s apartment couldn’t have possibly been a date. Kai had only woken up for a half hour to groggily whine at Yeonjun about his cold and gratefully take the gift he’d been given into his lap. Hueningkai’s eyes and nose were still so red, and he weakly coughed into his elbow in between sips of soup.

It made Soobin happy, like something was fluttering joyfully in his chest to see how soft Yeonjun’s expression had gone for Hueningkai. When they sat at the counter, the normally expressive and playful Yeonjun had become some gentle soul, speaking in quieter tones to not agitate the youngest’s aching head. He’d even been the first to slide Hueningkai tissues when the heat of the soup made his nose start to run.

It was so silly that Soobin felt relieved that Yeonjun was treating his best friend so kindly. It was just a cold; Hueningkai would surely be back to his cackling laughs and photoshoots some time within the week. 

“Thanks for coming. I’m still really sorry about not being able to do Friday with you,” Soobin had said, when it was late enough that all the city lights outside had come on, but the streets were empty of people. “It’s kind of funny to watch Hueningkai complain about not being able to taste anything though.”

“Don’t tease the poor guy when he’s down,” Yeonjun laughed through his nose, gently nudging Soobin’s shoulder. “Not being able to taste something… I wouldn’t even wish that on my greatest enemy.”

“I would, I’d totally do it,” Soobin snorted. Although Hueningkai would probably never wake up to the sound of Soobin and Yeonjun just chatting, they kept their voices quiet anyways. “If you messed with me, I’d wish it on you too.”

“Yeah, yeah, big talk,” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, stretching his arms up over his head. It wasn’t terribly late, but late enough that the food in their bellies made them pretty drowsy. “Hey, I’ve got something to ask,” Yeonjun said after a comfortably silent moment between them.

Soobin gestured with his hand for the other to continue, curiously watching the other from where he was sitting. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Does it bother you, when I get close to Kai?” 

He wanted to roll his eyes. “Why would that bother me?” Soobin asked, tucking his cold feet up onto the cushions on the couch. If he were a little less exhausted, a little more brave, he probably would have shoved them underneath Yeonjun to warm up. “I actually like it, it means my favorite people are getting along.”

Yeonjun hummed, tilting his head up to the ceiling as he thought for a moment. “Okay… what about, if Kai got close to me, then?”

“Is there a difference?” Soobin asked.

“Yeah, a little bit,” Yeonjun said, turning himself around on the couch to watch Soobin carefully. “Would you get jealous if we left you out?”

Soobin blinked. 

Would he be jealous? Had Soobin ever felt jealous about any of his past partners, for hanging out with their friends? He guessed the difference was, there was Hueningkai that they had in common in this situation. Maybe he would be a little jealous. Soobin was never used to not having Hueningkai by his side-

Jealous? Of _Yeonjun_? Wasn’t he supposed to be jealous of Hueningkai? 

“Yeah, I guess.”

Things were a little weird. Soobin readily accepted Yeonjun’s embraces and affection. Their dates together were great, and it felt like Soobin and Yeonjun had known each other for an eternity while still learning bits and pieces of each other as friends would do.

No- like partners would do. They were dating, this wasn’t just a night out with his friend, right? Soobin felt guiltier and guiltier, the more that he thought about what it was between them. He enjoyed being with Yeonjun. It was different than hanging out with Hueningkai, and Soobin didn’t know why he was letting their different timelines cross over and over in his brain. The two of them though, were quite similar in nature. Whenever the three of them were together, it was easy to see the chemistry between Yeonjun and Kai, his little enabler. 

What Yeonjun did differently was that where Hueningkai was a comforting and patient spirit, Yeonjun was a spitfire who said what he was thinking, without holding back. He injected that confidence back into Soobin in a way that he didn’t even realize. 

“You really are cute, Soobinie,” Yeonjun had grinned one one night in Yeonjun’s loft. 

“Oh, what’s all of this about?” Soobin had said with a surprised little laugh. He set his phone down onto his lap. They were meant to just be hanging out while Yeonjun was busy working on something for his influencer job. It basically consisted of Yeonjun and Soobin chatting while the older sat at his pretty computer and worked on photo or video editing. Soobin had just been texting Hueningkai, which he reasoned as just making sure that the other would move his washed clothes into the dryer like he’d promised.

“I think you already know it,” Yeonjun shrugged. He swiveled himself away from his work desk to properly face Soobin. “But you’re too humble about your stuff. You really ought to brag about doing all that you do.” 

“Oh, you just like me that much?” Soobin teased, cheekily sticking out his tongue to Yeonjun, who momentarily flustered. 

“Well yeah, I mean. I’m not going to lie, I think our types just match up like that,” Yeonjun mumbled back. “Does that make sense at all?”

Soobin hummed in thought before eventually nodding with a little pout to his lips. “We’re pretty compatible, yeah. And we do similar things- well I mean, even the things we do complement each other. So I get what you mean.”

Yeonjun had only nodded at that, leaning his elbow back onto his desk as he continued to stare at Soobin. It would have been uncomfortable if they were strangers, but Soobin considered themself way past the strangers stage at that point. 

“Binnie?”

Soobin tilted his head, inviting him to continue.

“Without thinking, what’s something that you find really pretty?”

“Maybe- Oh, I don’t know. That’s a really sudden question,” Soobin nervously laughed, picking at the skin by his fingernails. “Are you trying to get me to compliment you?”

“What? No, well, I’ll take compliments,” Yeonjun laughed, amused and less serious when he smiled this time. His expression was fond, curious, and it made Soobin just that bit more relaxed. “I work with beauty for a living. I like to hear these kinds of things, so. What’s something that you find really pretty on someone? And don’t say confidence or some cheesy crap.”

Against what Yeonjun said, Soobin tried to picture in his mind, something really pretty. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know... face moles?”

Soobin had left earlier than he’d meant to, feeling red in the ears and neck and maybe a little embarrassed after the weight of his words had sat in the air for a little bit. Yeonjun hadn’t seemed surprised at all, instead gathering Soobin in his comfortable and firm arms and wishing him a goodnight and careful travel back home to Hueningkai.

Right, Hueningkai. 

Soobin felt his breath catch in his throat. It was like being on the highest mountain and staring off the cliff to see the tops of the clouds. Even though it was scary, he knew that there was only going to be one way down. Yeonjun had helped him to open his eyes and look over the ledge, and maybe the scene so far down below wasn’t as scary as he’d thought.

He answered a million questions in his head, one after another as it came. He knew that taking the leap wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

“I feel bad about it sometimes,” Soobin confessed. 

The rainy weather was keeping them stuck in their shared apartment, but earlier, Hueningkai pulled the curtains away from the balcony’s glass doors. It became the perfect light show made by the city lights and stormy sky, all from the front row view of their living room couch. The second Soobin had come home earlier than he said he would, and promptly kicked off his shoes to flop onto the couch, Hueningkai had turned off the lights, the T.V, and even his own laptop to take care of his older friend.

Having known Soobin since they were just kids, it came naturally to Hueningkai to give him a little bit of physical comfort when he seemed so worked up about something. It wasn’t usually easy to send Soobin in a bad mood; the main culprit of the worry often was Soobin’s own self. 

“What’s there to be so devastated about?” Hueningkai asked, peering down at Soobin, who’d made use of his lap as a comfortable head cushion. 

“Were you paying attention to me, or were you too busy playing Cookie Run?”

Hueningkai laughed through his nose, barely a little huff before he locked his phone and set it on the armrest of the couch. He knew by now that Soobin was the type to whine, but never with any ill intention. “I was paying attention. You’re feeling sad about Yeonjun-hyung again. I’m honestly not understanding why, though.”

“I like being with him,” Soobin prefaced, blowing his fringe out of his eyes. “But I can’t help but feel like I’m not doing… enough.”

“You have this crisis once a week,” Hueningkai mumbled, though fondly smiling when Soobin’s face scrunched up in defeat. “Don’t you think you should be mulling about this with him or something? Not that I mind when you talk to me, but… it’s weird to see you so… constipated.”

Soobin pushed himself off of Hueningkai, and even through the darkness and only occasional flashes of light from the storm outside, Hueningkai could see just where the other’s hair was sticking up after laying down for so long. “It’s not something I can take to him to sort out,” Soobin explained.

“Mmm, I don’t agree with you on that one,” Hueningkai sighed, tucking his legs up onto the couch, now that Soobin was sitting up. “You give a lot of yourself to people, so… I don’t think it would be bad to talk to Yeonjun-hyung. You guys are really close. I think you’re just kicking up some old dust that some loser told you in the past.” 

There was a lot that was happening in Soobin’s head; Hueningkai was watching it happen, in the depths of the color of Soobin’s eyes. The world was a mystical place, but somehow he felt as if he and Soobin just understood each other. Hueningkai had been the one to watch as Soobin’s insecurity kept him from acting natural; made him into this anxious person who tried to impress everyone with his skills and uniqueness, but the truth was, Soobin never needed to _charm_ anyone for them to love him.

There was too much about Soobin that was incredible, too much that it’d be stupid of anyone to not adore him.

Maybe Hueningkai adored him like no one else. He’d keep that confession buried in his pocket.

“I think… Maybe this time, it’s different. Yeah, I think I feel different this time,” Soobin had said, wetting his bottom lip with his tongue. “It’s not like that. Okay- it’s kind of like that,” he added, after Hueningkai had shot him a disbelieving look. “I like Yeonjun-hyung, but I don’t know if what I feel is love. Maybe it’s too soon to say?”

Worded like a question, Soobin and Hueningkai shared an equally curious look. Where Soobin’s expression had once been agonizing, he looked to Hueningkai as if he were searching for an answer, and Hueningkai felt like he had the right words to say, but they were tucked far, far in his mind. 

“Have you told Yeonjun-hyung this?” Hueningkai asked instead, genuine in his concern, and genuinely wanting to ignore the weird pull, pull, pull in his chest. 

“Not yet,” Soobin sighed, eyelids fluttering as he looked away from Hueningkai. “Maybe soon, I will.”

That was that, with their conversation. Soobin kicked his feet up and turned the T.V on, like it was nothing different than a regular night with each other.

Hueningkai bit at the inside of his cheek. Perhaps this would have been like a regular night, if the weight of their words weren’t ringing in his skull. He could hardly believe that Soobin and Yeonjun weren’t meant to be.

He wasn’t sure if it’s because they fit so well together, or if it was because he didn’t _want_ them to be together like that. 

All he ever wanted was for Soobin to be happy and loved. He wanted to see the other’s smile every day, wanted to see his shoulders as relaxed as could be, wanted to see him toss his head back and laugh when Hueningkai was messing around. It was too much to think about; Soobin was dating Yeonjun (sort of? He was sort of dating Yeonjun, from what he gathered out of their conversation at least) and that was enough of that.

With quiet, drowsy mumbles, the two of them dragged their long limbs off of the couch and split paths in the skinny hallway of their shared apartment. Hueningkai knew the next day would roll over with no issue. He couldn’t complain about living a comfortable life, doing something he was certain he enjoyed, of being in his best friend’s company.

Well, most days. Or weeks. 

Since Soobin had started dating Yeonjun, there was one thing that Hueningkai learned. Being alone in the apartment really, really, fucking sucked.

Hueningkai couldn’t excitedly talk about something that happened during class to a wall. He couldn’t complain about the workload from that random English prerequisite that he just had to take, he couldn’t talk to his wall of plushies and expect a response. Since Soobin and Hueningkai had that talk a few weeks ago, Hueningkai wondered if Soobin was trying so hard to hang out more often with Yeonjun to prove something to himself, or if he was just that desperate to beat down his insecurities despite his relatively small social battery.

Needless to say, it was like a breath of fresh air to have dragged his overworked body for lunch with Taehyun and Beomgyu. With Beomgyu at his side, and Taehyun sitting across from them, Hueningkai’s soul simply felt restored.

“So yeah. I think I did really well on the latest composition,” Hueningkai proudly said with a light puff to his chest. “I’m going to get the best grade on it, I’m sure.”

“Wow, look at this confident little guy,” Beomgyu teased with a shimmy to his shoulders. Considering how close he and Hueningkai were in their shared booth, it jiggled Hueningkai around too. “Really, good job Kai! You want hyung to treat you to dessert after this?”

“He probably would like Soobin-hyung to bring him to dessert instead,” Taehyun carefully said, picking up his glass of water like he hadn’t said anything strange to begin with.

Beomgyu had snorted and wrapped a comforting arm around Hueningkai’s shoulders. “Be nice to him, not everyone can have twenty-twenty vision.”

“I’m not that clingy,” Hueningkai rolled his eyes, but he did enjoy being coddled a little bit by Beomgyu, especially with the disbelieving expression that Taehyun was giving them over the table. “Actually- you’d be surprised to know, it’s really Soobinnie-hyung that’s the clingy one.”

“Hmm…. sure,” Beomgyu laughed, giving Hueningkai one more squeeze before letting go of him and going back to eating some leftover fries from the table. 

“I’m not trying to be mean,” Taehyun clarified, but Hueningkai still wanted to shrink and squirm a little under the other’s analytic look. Being as still as he was, was an accomplishment in its own right. “I just… I don’t really understand. How’s Soobin-hyung and his boyfriend doing?”

“They’re just fine,” Hueningkai said, but he sealed his lips after thinking about it. Were they fine? They spent all day together, but from what Soobin had told him about before, maybe that wasn’t really ‘fine’ at all? “Er… Yeah. He and Yeonjun-hyung are doing okay, I think.”

Beomgyu even paused from where he was, licking the salt from the fries off of his lips. “Um? You think?”

“Yeah, no, I’m certain,” Hueningkai nodded, feeling heat rise up on his cheeks at the miswording. “Isn’t that up to them to say?”

“Yeah but, you would’ve noticed something, probably,” Beomgyu shrugged, like there wasn’t anything worth worrying about. That made Hueningkai comfortable enough, to think that maybe he was the only one at the table analyzing his words and what they could have implied about Yeonjun and Soobin.

Taehyun didn’t look up from his phone, but he clicked his tongue anyway. “Hueningie, it sounds like you want to share something?”

Beomgyu blinked between the both of them, and Kai let out a breath he’d been holding when the eldest of their trio waved a small hand at Taehyun to back off. “He’ll say what he wants, when he wants. Right, Kai?”

“Yup,” Hueningkai agreed, popping the ‘P’ in an attempt to seem just as carefree as Beomgyu. “Besides, I’m the one who set them up anyways, and they’re perfect for each other. If Yeonjun-hyung wasn’t going to be compatible with Soobin-hyung, then I wouldn’t have done it.”

“I don’t get why you’re relationship-gatekeeping Soobin-hyung like that,” Taehyun had sighed, leaning back in his chair to comfortably cross his arms. “Do you even know you’re doing it- firstly?”

“I’m- ey, come on now, that’s ridiculous,” Hueningkai scoffed. “You make it sound like I’m… like I’m sabotaging him or something. Isn’t that kind of messed up to say? Beomgyu-hyung, you agree with me, right?”

Beomgyu put his hands up, like he didn’t even want to be included in the conversation. He still had a french fry between his fingers. “I don’t know your dynamic that well, but from what I’ve heard, maybe gatekeeping is too bold of a word.”

“They’ve been practically dating for years,” Taehyun had clarified, to which Beomgyu had shrugged and continued to munch away. “Kai, answer honestly for me,” he said after a moment, unfolding his arms.

Hueningkai felt the cogs turning uncomfortably fast in his head. “Uh huh?” He answered lamely, only after Beomgyu had nudged him back into this dimension. 

“If you’re so worried about Soobin-hyung’s relationship, why don’t _you_ just date him?”

That was ridiculous.

Hueningkai left his friends later in the day with the excuse that he had an English paper to write, because he’d really put that assignment off too far. Even sitting at home in the (empty) apartment, with his laptop perched on his knees on the (empty) couch, he tried to spill his brain’s thoughts to the too-bright document that had nothing yet written on it. Nothing sounded right; no analysis of a pretty play would replace what Taehyun had so casually said to him when they’d gone out to eat. 

Usually when it came to Soobin, Hueningkai had the right words. He knew what Soobin wanted to hear, what he liked to hear. They were so close; it was only natural for Hueningkai to know. They spent most of their lives together. They cared about each other, and wasn’t that enough?

The blinking cursor taunted Hueningkai, and he continued to frown, ruffling through his hair with an uncertain, shaky hand. The (empty) page had one big question in size forty-eight bolded lettering:

Why don’t _you_ just date Soobin then?

Where there were lines and lines of text in Hueningkai’s brain, it didn’t communicate with that tricky thing in his chest. Hueningkai was exclamation marks and Soobin was sweet, run on sentences from an overactive mind, and together, Hueningkai didn’t know what they were.

Maybe just one big question mark.

* * *

  
  


“Hyung, I have something I want to talk to you about.”

Soobin had been worrying about it for weeks. He’d been worrying about it ever since he’d sat on that damn comfortable couch with Hueningkai, since he’d thought about how careful the younger was, listening to him and making sure his feelings were met and matched. He was never judged, sitting on that couch and talking about life with the only person whose opinion truly mattered to him. 

It had begun to rain. 

Soobin should be at home with Hueningkai, with the balcony door just a little open so that the apartment could turn nice and chilled. He wanted to be able to complain about the puddle of water that would collect by the door. He wanted something- wanted to figure this out. Soobin always tried his best to answer his own questions, but it didn’t hurt to have the opinion of someone who he’d also considered precious in his life.

Yeonjun ran his fingers through Soobin’s freshly dyed, blue hair. 

“Yeah, Soobinnie?” He said, watching him in front of that pretty, large mirror. Yeonjun’s hair had faded quite a bit in time, and after stripping the color out of it, had become a pretty blonde. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know if this is the right time,” Soobin began, feeling his palms sweat. This never happened. Usually, _he_ was the one on the other end of this conversation. Would he seem like an asshole, for waiting until the end of the night to get this stone off of his chest? 

“Is there ever a ‘right time’ for stuff?” Yeonjun snorted, giving Soobin’s hair one final ruffle and turning his head this way and that. “Mm, you look so good in blue, Soobin.”

“I- well thanks, it looks good because _you_ did it.”

“Enough flattering and get to the breaking up part of this talk.”

“I wasn’t flattering you, I was- _what?!_ "

Soobin felt the blood rush up his neck, up his ears, settling into a pretty pink on his cheeks, only for Yeonjun to laugh at him through the mirror. Standing behind him, Yeonjun kept one hand on the other’s shoulder, and the other gently held Soobin under the chin, keeping his gaze forward. No longer was Yeonjun concentrated on Soobin’s hair. He stared at him, openly, curiously through the reflection. 

“You’re going to break up with me, right?” Yeonjun smiled, squishing Soobin’s cheeks to watch his lips purse once, twice. “It’s okay, I was kind of waiting for it. I’ll miss these lips though.”

“How did you know?” Soobin asked, frowning. His neck felt like it was burning, and Yeonjun must have taken pity, massaging the junction of his neck and shoulder. He’d always been a little touchy, definitely one of the types to have physical affection as a love language. 

“As much as I love being with you, I think we both kind of knew that we don’t _love_ love each other, if I’m not mistaken. It’s not anything bad by the way. You’re like, one of my best friends now.”

“Oh.”

Soobin dumbly stared at himself in the mirror now. Since meeting Yeonjun, earning his confidence back, trying to test himself in a million ways to answer the big question “What is Love?,” Soobin had kind of known it already. What he had with Yeonjun was love like reuniting with a long lost best friend, but it wasn’t a love of an everyday heart beat, and that was okay. Life was like this. Life was deciding this together.

“Hyung, thank you, a lot. I do love you,” Soobin had sighed, releasing the nervous breath he’d held captive in his lungs, and Yeonjun had just grinned so large that his cheeks turned his eyes into the sweetest crescents. 

“I know you do, trust me, hyung knows. I love you too.”

When it was time to leave, they hugged each other extra closely, and Soobin jokingly messed up Yeonjun’s hair. “Maybe it’s time for you to go pink,” he smiled. It was light between them, like nothing had changed at all. They could be happy like this. 

“Hey- find the love of your life by the end of the year, and I’ll go pink. No- I’ll even grow a mullet!” 

The two of them had laughed at that, and when Soobin finally made it back home with his new head of blue hair, his favorite person had shot off of the couch with big, childish eyes, not hesitating to thread his skinny fingers through Soobin’s hair.

“Woah! Hyung, you look great!” Hueningkai grinned, tossing his head back in an overjoyed, surprised laugh. “I didn’t… I didn’t know you could be so brave.”

Soobin pretended to grumble about how Hueningkai had plastered his fringe down in front of his eyes, gently reaching for the other’s wrists to pull them away from his fluffed up hair. Hueningkai’s wrists were thin, like they were delicate, and he didn’t put up a fight at all. Hueningkai just watched him with the biggest, beautiful eyes, and Soobin tried to channel the courage in his chest.

“What do you mean? You trying to call your hyung a _coward_?” 

Okay. Maybe tonight was a night of too much change. He could tell Hueningkai about all of that ‘feeling’ stuff later.

“I’m not calling you a coward,” Hueningkai rolled his eyes. He rocked up onto his toes, back on his heels, and Soobin tried not to get so mesmerized by the other’s easy movement. He knew Hueningkai like the back of his hand, knew that he liked to be on the move.

He wondered if the younger would be willing to just stay still for a second.

(With him.)

“Okay okay, good, I’m glad we cleared that up,” Soobin smugly answered, letting go of Hueningkai’s hands, though the two of them remained dumbly in front of the door. It was chilly in the apartment; fresh from the rain. Hueningkai’s hair had just become a bit frizzy at the ends from the humidity. Soobin was always jealous of the other’s voluminous hair. “What have you been up to?”

The younger proudly gestured toward the couch, where the dim light of his old laptop was illuminating the cushions in the dark. The city lights and occasional flashes of lightning were the only bits of warm light in the otherwise dark apartment. The two of them liked it that way; it was peaceful and just. Meant for the both of them. 

“I just submitted my last paper for this term. The only thing I have left is that photography project, then I’m basically done.”

Soobin followed Hueningkai to the couch, leaning over the back of it when the other had plopped himself down, showing off his work. “Wow. Did it need to be twenty-five pages long, or are you trying to get on your professor’s good side?” 

“Ey, it’s not that,” Hueningkai said, shyly bringing the laptop back down. “At first, I didn’t know what to talk about, but once I figured it out, I just couldn’t stop.”

The rain made such pretty noises outside. Soobin could hear the light drips of the puddle by the slightly open balcony door. With Hueningkai peering up at him like that, like he was waiting for Soobin to say something, like his words _mattered_ at all, and that he wasn’t boring, and that he was worth listening to, Soobin wanted to happily sigh into the ground.

“Some things are just like that, huh?” Soobin mused instead, jokingly reaching for the backspace button on the keyboard, to which Hueningkai quickly swatted Soobin’s wrist away. “I’m just joking!” Soobin laughed, when Hueningkai shot him a scrunched up expression. “Besides- I need you to help me take photos tomorrow, if you’re up for that?”

“Wow, using me for land development,” Hueningkai fake frowned, closing his laptop and stretching his entire body out along the couch. “Yeah, I mean, I guess… Since you’re older, you just get to boss me around.”

“That’s not it; hey, don’t be so dramatic,” Soobin laughed, leaning over the back of the couch to pinch at Hueningkai’s shoulder. The younger only managed to squirm, turning himself around until he was face down in the cushions. “It’s just been a while since you’ve handled a camera, and I think I was supposed to model some jackets? And we have to put Yeonjun-hyung’s hard work to good use.”

Hueningkai mumbled something into the couch cushion, and Soobin prodded at his back, wordlessly telling him to roll over and speak properly.

Hueningkai’s hair was getting quite long, and its edges were turning wavy with the humidity. He looked pretty like this, staring up at Soobin, eyes bright and enchanting. Soobin tried not to stare too much at the moles on his face, especially not the one by his lip or the two up by his brow. 

“Hyung just likes it when he has my attention,” Hueningkai said, braver than Soobin had been, probably braver than he thought himself to be, and Soobin didn’t have enough time to be shocked. 

“Yeah and Hueningie likes it when I ask for it in the first place,” Soobin countered, fond, too fond.

Too close. Too soon. Didn’t Soobin just break up with his boyfriend? 

“And if I do?” Hueningkai questioned, not backing down just yet.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Soobin quickly ended, pinching the other’s nose, just to watch his expression crinkle in cutely. 

It couldn’t have been a bad thing. Soobin had been looking for something for this long; had wanted to be wanted by someone. Hueningkai was always at his side; he was his forever best friend. He made Soobin’s heart beat so firmly. There were no more questions, at least for now, in Soobin’s mind. Perhaps he could talk to Yeonjun-hyung about this moment, about seeing Hueningkai push himself up off of the couch and attempt to kick Soobin jokingly in the back of the knees, just to watch him buckle on the way to their rooms for the night.

He could tell him all about how maybe he was looking too far for other peoples’ love, only to realize he had something like that this entire time. 

It wasn’t exactly Soobin’s fault for forgetting to mention it to Hueningkai. 

“Oh yeah- we broke up a while ago,” Yeonjun had nervously laughed, the three of them once again sitting in Yeonjun’s loft. He had asked for some of Soobin’s help in doing a photoshoot for some cosplay commissions advertisement. Yeonjun was uncomfortably incredible at that kind of thing, and his many followers on Instagram were looking forward to seeing previews about it.

“You _what?!_ ” 

Soobin sheepishly watched Hueningkai choke through the reflection on the mirror. “Kai-yah, it’s alright, look- we’re good friends, right hyung?”

Yeonjun whistled, buttoning up the collar of some ridiculously long coat that Soobin was wearing. “Yup. I mean, what do you want us to do, kiss in front of you or something? As un-boyfriends?”

“Please don’t, that’s so weird,” Hueningkai groaned, slouching further into his chair, ignoring how Soobin and Yeonjun snickered and laughed to each other.

Soobin couldn’t help but sneak little glances at Hueningkai through the long mirror in the room. It was supposed to be just Soobin getting all dressed up for photos, and somehow Kai had been wrapped up into it, promised to be treated to a wonderful dinner by Yeonjun. It was kind of weird, seeing Hueningkai with a white wig on, but it was probably even weirder seeing Soobin with this long wig as well. 

“You’re kinda hot with long hair,” Yeonjun mused, adding some kind of ‘exorcist’ pin to Soobin’s chest. “Kai-yah, tell him he’s hot with long hair.”

“You’re hot with long hair, hyung,” Hueningkai parrotted, obviously lacking emotion from his voice and parroting only because Yeonjun told him to. 

Soobin raised a fist in the air as a warning, and Hueningkai pretended to fake-hide behind one of the cosplay props. “I make a _great_ Kanda Yu, look at the little ribbon, the bangs, the dress-”

“That is a coat.”

“Long enough to be a dress. Same thing.”

Hueningkai snorted at Soobin, watching him bicker with Yeonjun about the ‘technicalities of a dress’ and why this was indeed a coat- and an exorcist coat nonetheless. 

“Help Huening into his coat, I need to get the lights ready,” Yeonjun said with one last nudge to Soobin’s shoulders, and Soobin fake saluted his hyung away.

“Come on, up,” Soobin sighed, watching as Hueningkai shamelessly t-posed in front of Soobin, getting into his own coat. “You make a really good Allen,” he complimented, helping the other fasten the buttons in the front. 

“Yeah? I haven’t actually watched this show,” Hueningkai confessed. 

Soobin’s lips quirked up into a little smile. “We can watch it together sometime.”

They laughed their whole way through Yeonjun’s photoshoot. From fake-fighting each other with the cosplay sword props, to accidentally breaking Soobin’s serious expressions into giggly smiles, it had taken quite some time for the three of them to actually settle into proper, professional behavior (as professional as a group of three weebs could be), and take some damn nice cosplay photos.

“I hope you have people lining up in your emails for this,” Hueningkai sighed, exhausted and wiping the red makeup off of his face. “Hey, is this thing staining me?”

“Er- yeah, you’re kind of pink,” Soobin said, rubbing at Hueningkai’s forehead with his thumb.

Yeonjun simply shrugged, tying his hair up. “It’ll wash out at home. Use a cleanser on it, not just makeup wipes, or else your skin is gonna regret it.” It was already late by the time that Hueningkai and Soobin dragged their tired feet to the front door of Yeonjun’s loft. “Be safe on your way home?” He asked, to which the both of them bobbled their lazy heads.

“Thanks for the exposure by the way,” Soobin sheepishly added. Since being affiliated with Yeonjun, his online following had grown massively, and he was being approached with more and more deals to advertise as well. This whole thing, for Yeonjun’s business, was just done to say thank you to a good friend. 

“You get what you deserve,” Yeonjun smiled, watching Soobin and Hueningkai carefully. 

Soobin didn’t have time to react, instead feeling his shoulders pitch up ridiculously when the older had squished Hueningkai’s cheeks and brought his face close. Yeonjun and Hueningkai were practically centimeters apart, and Hueningkai only did so much as gasp as the eldest planted a kiss on his forehead.

Yeonjun was staring right at Soobin. 

As if to make it easier, Yeonjun rolled his eyes and dragged Soobin in by the elbow to kiss his head too. “Be safe in the rain!” 

And that was that.

Soobin and Hueningkai were quiet on the way home, and a weird feeling settled in Soobin’s stomach. What was he so worried about back then? 

“Did he do that often, when you were together?” Hueningkai asked when they were finally inside, getting warm and ready for bed. Soobin would be staying up late anyways, needing to study for the soon-arriving finals. “I think that was my first goodbye kiss from him.”

Soobin, having come fresh out of the shower and into some comfortable pajamas for the soon approaching, colder, weather, dried his hair with a stained-blue towel. “Mm? Yeonjun-hyung?” He hummed in thought. Hueningkai’s skin was still a little pink from where that red cosplay makeup had been painted carefully above and beneath his eye. Somehow, it made his moles a little more prominent, and Soobin wanted to just reach out and poke them.

But he didn’t, of course. That’s a little extra bravery that Soobin couldn’t muster when they were alone.

“Yeah, I think so,” Soobin answered, scratching the cold back of his neck. Hueningkai seemed to be caught in thought, and Soobin, as perceptive as ever, only watched him from the corner of his eye. “Did you like it?”

Now that seemed to catch Hueningkai off guard. His eyes widened for just a second, before his usual confidence bled back into his expression. “It was okay. I wasn’t expecting him to be so affectionate, but it was probably because we helped him out with the cosplay shoot.”

Soobin nodded. 

For some reason, this felt right. The conversation was light, and he’d caught that expression that Yeonjun had tossed him, getting in Hueningkai’s space as he did. It reminded him of the conversation that the two of them had, all that time ago. Maybe it wasn’t jealousy that Soobin felt at all. Could he have called it a challenge? It was an affirmation between the two of them; this closeness was okay because Soobin and Hueningkai’s bond was so unique.

Soobin wondered if Hueningkai’s nonchalance had anything to do with this conversation. He wanted to know what Hueningkai had felt in that moment too, but Soobin wasn’t the type to pry for answers either. They could be this way, comfortable and cozy and healthy. They could just be here together in each others’ company, and that was enough.

Hueningkai had an ambiguous look on his face, standing nearby Soobin as the older had set himself up with dim lights and a barstool at the kitchen island. There were things to study before the end of the weekend. He expected Hueningkai’s hug around his torso and welcomed it easily, rubbing his hands on top of Hueningkai’s for good measure.

“Don’t be up too late, hyung,” Hueningkai had mumbled, quiet and sleepy in their comfortable home.

When Hueningkai padded to his room and closed the door, Soobin stared after his back, wondering if he too should've given Hueningkai a kiss goodnight. 

* * *

Hueningkai should have known that this would be a terrible idea, but it was Beomgyu’s idea so that meant that Soobin couldn’t blame him if the kitchen turned out to be a giant mess. In their cramped little space and their small counter tops and single oven, they would be filming a video for Hueningkai’s return to his Youtube channel. The hiatus was too long, and he knew that people were waiting for him to return with his vlogs and life chattings. 

He liked being in front of the camera just as much as he enjoyed being behind it, and one of the main reasons for that was because of Soobin. Kai had bloomed under Soobin’s special care, into a person with a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. He was an extroverted introvert who liked to craft things and come up with ideas, and Soobin had encouraged him when they were younger to try and document that with a shitty old camera.

Now, there was Hueningkai, with his fancier cameras and lights, and a whole room of his favorite people, in their own ridiculous aprons.

“Have any of you ever baked a cake before?” Soobin asked the other two behind Hueningkai, and Hueningkai gave final adjustments to the cameras on their stands. 

“Nope,” Taehyun answered, nudging Beomgyu lightly with an elbow when he opened his mouth to lie. “We haven’t, aside from boxed cake.”

Beomgyu folded his arms across his chest and leaned back onto the counter. “I just want to say, go into this with low expectations. Extremely low expectations. Like, no expectations at all.”

Hueningkai laughed, adjusting one more lens. “That’s the whole thing though. There’s nothing that screams fun weekend than baking cakes without recipes. I think Yeonjun-hyung is bringing the rest of the ingredients?”

Soobin rolled his eyes, pointing a metal whisk at Beomgyu. “Keep the cake batter off the ceiling and we’ll call it good as gold. Hueningie, any news on Yeonjun-hyung yet?”

“Yeonjun?” Beomgyu repeated, almost looking offended at hearing a name that he didn’t know. “Wait, wait, wait. There’s another person doing this? I thought we were going in teams of two.”

Hueningkai’s phone buzzed, and with a bright expression, he waved a hand at Beomgyu. “Yeah, you’ll get along well with him, don’t worry. He said he’s bringing stuff so- can you help me pick it up from downstairs?”

He and Beomgyu had made their way to the first floor, where Yeonjun was waiting with some bags. He had brought lunch for them, for when they became inevitably exhausted after ruining their tiny kitchen. There was no way that the five of them would leave the place looking as it was right now, and for that, Hueningkai was especially thankful that Yeonjun had brought wet wipes.

He was also especially thankful that he’d brought Beomgyu downstairs, because it was absolutely hilarious watching his normally playful hyung avoid any and all eye contact with Yeonjun.

“I feel underdressed,” Beomgyu quietly confessed to Hueningkai, when they were washing their hands together in the kitchen sink.

Hueningkai laughed, letting the low rumble of it vibrate happily in his chest. “Don’t worry, Yeonjun-hyung just dresses like that,” he teased quietly, yelping when Beomgyu splashed soapy water up at the front of his shirt.

Needless to say, they got scolded by Taehyun for leaving water drips all over the floor. 

The video went so smoothly. The five of them together felt natural in front of the camera, and Hueningkai was constantly pleased with the footage, checking it as their mini-cakes sort of rose in the oven. 

“It smells like cake,” Beomgyu commented, snacking on something up at the kitchen counter.

“What’s it supposed to smell like, spaghetti?” Yeonjun teased, laughing when Beomgyu stuck his tongue out at him. For having just met, the two of them went from politely quiet with each other to bickering back and forth over the tiny kitchen island. 

“What’s it supposed to smell like, _spaghetti_?” Beomgyu mocked with a shake of his head. 

Hueningkai shared a quick look with Soobin, who merely raised an eyebrow at him. Whatever camera picked up this banter was definitely going into the video. There were too many precious moments between the five of them that it was going to be difficult later, trying to edit all of the footage. The cakes smelled great but no one had backgrounds in baking outside of cake mix and premade frosting. By the end of the night, they all had swipes of hot pink frosting on their cheeks, and had tried their best to eat through their sad attempts at no-recipe cakes.

“Yeonjun-hyung actually did really well,” Taehyun commented, pointing his spoon at the near-empty plate of his. “It was actually edible.” 

“Hey- I helped with that, we’re on the same team,” Beomgyu complained, stabbing his fork into the piece on his plate. “Do you know how long I spent whisking this damn thing?”

“And you did a great job,” Yeonjun cheekily intercepted, taking more off of his plate and scooting it onto Beomgyu’s. “You did good, why are you upset?” 

Naturally, Beomgyu shoved a new spoonful of cake into his mouth, much to the rest of the counter’s amusement.

Hueningkai liked moments like this. There was no worry about who or what or when or how. It felt like the world could pause to make them all happy together, and that’s all they needed to be. Happy together. Hueningkai was the type of person to enjoy small victories. He liked to indulge in the smallest matters in life, so much that even the most microscopic of victories made his heart soar. 

Happy days were like swiping whipped cream across Soobin’s small nose, and making it a point to dramatically run away when the other threatened to tip the whole bowl of cream over Hueningkai’s head. Their loudness and laughs bounced off the fake tile in the kitchen, and their ridiculously colorful aprons were hung up at the very end of the day, on the wall like they were meant to be there. And that was what Hueningkai wanted.

He recalled the laptop with the burning question on the front. Soobin liked to keep an arm around him, even linking their elbows as they moved across the kitchen. When they washed dishes, they sometimes bumped their shoulders into each other, or reached right over the front of their chests without needing to say much. 

And the cameras caught all of it.

While editing the video, Hueningkai couldn’t deny it anymore. 

Their closeness was something unique to each other, even if they treated the rest of their friends just as fondly as they treated each other. There were more laughs with heads thrown back, arms around each other’s shoulders. Hueningkai felt his ears become hot while watching himself on the mini player look back at Soobin every five seconds. 

Though days had passed since they were all in Soobin and Hueningkai’s cramped, tiny kitchen, Hueningkai kept returning to the footage, treating it like a secret and feeling guiltier and guiltier the more that he hoarded it to himself. How many moments were there like this between him and Soobin? When Soobin brushed Hueningkai’s fringe out of his face for him, he looked at Hueningkai so tenderly too. 

Maybe Taehyun was right; maybe things would be better off if Hueningkai dated Soobin. 

Could it have been a sign from the universe? Hueningkai wondered that as he sighed and watched the past-version of himself cling around Soobin’s torso, hook his chin onto the other’s shoulder like it was meant to be there. It was different from how Beomgyu and Yeonjun, shy and unknowing, interacted with each other. The two of them fit like odd pieces of a puzzle. Hueningkai felt almost too shy to edit the video any further and simply closed the laptop.

He liked Soobin. He liked him a lot. He couldn’t stop thinking about him, even when he tried his very hardest to. Soobin’s birthday was coming up soon, but with finals just the week and a half after, it turned out to be another night of just Soobin and Hueningkai in their shared apartment.

Hueningkai did his best to sneak around while Soobin was asleep, hanging up cheesy decorations and putting party hats on any surface where gravity allowed it. He made a cake from a box this time, not from their own freehanded recipe. It reminded him of when they were younger, and Soobin surprised him every summer with such sweet, homemade things on his own birthday. He didn’t really have the cash to get Soobin pretty gifts, but he hoped that this party of two would be enough for Soobin.

“Thank you, Hueningie,” Soobin had sighed, wrapping his sleepy arms around Hueningkai when he’d finally woken up and dragged his still-drowsy self into the kitchen. “You did all this for me? Am I your favorite or something?”

“You can be my favorite today,” Hueningkai snorted, feeling pink on his cheeks as Soobin yawned and put more weight into their little hug. “Just for today, since you’re the birthday boy.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” Soobin smiled, pulling himself off of the other and heading straight toward the counter. His hands were busy, on autopilot. 

One cup of tea for Hueningie, and one hot mug of coffee for Soobin.

Soobin’s birthday was quiet, intimate almost, but it was hardly anything other than a usual day for the both of them. This time, they sat close enough on the couch that their thighs were touching. Hueningkai could toss his legs over Soobin if he felt like it, and he did once or twice, just to whine about losing to Soobin on whatever game they had open.

“I let you win cus it’s your birthday!” Hueningkai clarified, waving his joycon in the air, and Soobin had only tossed his head back in a laugh, tugging Hueningkai by his wrist into another quick hug.

“Keep letting me win. I love this, you know?”

Yeah. Hueningkai leaned a little more against Soobin’s chest. 

He loved it too.

The day was over in a blink, even though it felt like time stopped for both of them. The more that Hueningkai paid attention to their mannerisms with each other, the more clumsy he felt. As a naturally confident person, Hueningkai couldn’t help but be embarrassed of his own minor slip ups. His little bits of _absolute yearning_ were taking a toll on his mind. He liked it when Soobin wanted him close, when he wanted their elbows to be linked together. Soobin liked to scrunch his nose up when he smiled widely, and Hueningkai liked to watch over the creases it made up at Soobin’s eyes, thinking there could probably be nothing prettier.

Hueningkai didn’t know how he’d fallen so quickly, but he wasn’t ashamed about it. If they were meant to be, they were meant to be. Proudly, Hueningkai thought to himself, there was no one who knew Soobin as much as Hueningkai did.

The same could be said from Soobin to Hueningkai. After the elder’s birthday came and went, so did final exams.

* * *

When school became too much, Soobin had been there at the end of the semester to rub his back and congratulate him on finishing another term. “There’s more in the future than just… than just grades and expectations,” Soobin said. They had cuddled on the couch that night, after Hueningkai submitted his photography final, and fell asleep before they could obtain any other feedback on it. 

Hueningkai wished it could be easier; it had taken him this long to realize that maybe he was a little (a lot) in love with his best friend. He wanted to keep doing these things with him, like hold his hands and gather their too-long limbs up onto their comfortable couch and enjoy life together, maybe forever. Maybe for as long as the universe had in store for them. Hueningkai knew he wouldn’t regret a second of it, not if Soobin were there by his side for it all.

When the weather became colder, and Hueningkai found himself stealing warmer coats from Soobin’s closet, he hadn’t really thought about what Soobin might have thought about it all. It made him happy, when Soobin complimented the look on him. “I’ll be back later! Don’t peek, I’m getting presents for Christmas.”

“Wow, way to keep the surprise,” Soobin snorted. It was the same as any other day; Soobin sat comfortably on the couch. The cold had him swaddled in a blanket this time though. The city lights from outside were warm in their otherwise cold room. The two of them didn’t mind the cold so much, not when they shared their warmth often enough for it to not be so much of an issue. “Watch the ice. Don’t let Taehyun fall on his hand again.”

“I’ll make sure he makes it out alive,” Hueningkai (jokingly) solemnly nods, and when he closed the door behind him on his way out, he was sure he heard Soobin’s quiet laugh from the living room.

Hueningkai and Taehyun had this small tradition over the past few years, of going out into town to search for Christmas presents together, and recently it was meant to include Beomgyu, but Hueningkai surprisingly didn’t find him waiting alongside Taehyun at the storefronts. “No Beomgyu-hyung this time?” Hueningkai asked, shivering into his scarf.

Taehyun smiled, sipping at a steaming cup of hot chocolate he’d bought from a street vendor. “Nah. He’s on a date with Yeonjun-hyung. Again.” Easily, Taehyun slid his free arm through Hueningkai’s, and the two shared their space as they walked past the busy storefronts. 

“Lucky him,” Hueningkai laughed, pulling Taehyun carefully out of the way of some rushing tourists. “Did they make out in front of the door again?”

“ _Stop_ , you have no idea how awkward it was, trying to get into my own damn apartment and seeing that happen right outside,” Taehyun groaned, and Hueningkai continued to laugh pausing on the sidewalk to catch his breath really quick. Taehyun’s eyes twinkled, watching his friend laugh at his apparent ‘pain,’ though he knew it was all in good fun. “So, why aren’t _you_ on a date, Kai?”

“Don’t want this to be a date?” Hueningkai teased in return, fully accepting the quick elbow jab to the ribs that Taehyun gave him. Taehyun wasn’t into that kind of dating business, preferring to keep his relationships platonic, but they were close enough to tease each other of those sort of things in the first place. “Okay fine, fine. If I told you I didn’t have a date, would you believe me?”

“Oh right, your not-boyfriend Soobin of how many years is definitely not your date, and definitely not your date to Yeonjun’s Christmas party either,” Taehyun sarcastically rolled his eyes. “And that’s why you didn’t drag me into freezing weather to find your not-boyfriend a not-gift?”

Hueningkai flushed, pulling his scarf closer up his face. “When you say it like that it sounds…”

“Ridiculous, right?” Taehyun laughed at Hueningkai this time. “You two are already so couple-y. Just admit you’ve been dating this whole time. Dating looks different between each couple anyways.”

That much was right. How Soobin had dated those people before was nothing like how he’d dated Yeonjun, and how Yeonjun had dated Soobin was nothing like how Yeonjun was currently dating Beomgyu. He supposed maybe it depended on the person, but Hueningkai knew that he and Soobin depended on each other. Everything little thing had Hueningkai daydreaming, and it was so unlike him to get distracted.

He wondered if Soobin was also losing sleep at what the both of them would be like, together as a unit. He wondered if Soobin was stammering over his words now, or if he was just as jittery as Hueningkai was whenever they were nearby each other. Nothing had changed in their routines, but something between them was curious and small. Hueningkai wanted it; he wanted it all.

“I don’t want to mess up anything between us,” Hueningkai said, after they’d finished shopping for gifts. With their arms full of goods, they stopped just before the bus stop. “Between me and Soobin. We’re friends before anything else, right?”

“You know better than I do about that. You know that it’d take you destroying the world before Soobin gave up on you,” Taehyun said after some thought, handing his newly acquired, second cup of cocoa into Hueningkai’s cold hands. “And by the way… Soobin told me something really, really interesting a month ago.”

“What about?” Hueningkai asked, warming his fingertips on the cup. 

Taehyun grinned, his perfect teeth on display as he laughed. “Ask him and find out yourself!”

* * *

Hueningkai was the type of spirit that shone even on the coldest, dreariest of days. Soobin couldn’t help but soak in the other’s personal sunshine, treating him like he was a precious person, because he _was_. Soobin liked to think things through on his own, and maybe it came with a little bit of help from his psych and behavior classes that he’d been slaving himself over throughout the semester. Hueningkai was like an angel; he didn’t pressure Soobin to do or say anything that he wasn’t ready to do or say.

A part of him wondered if Hueningkai knew already; there was no one else on this world for Soobin except Hueningkai. He remembered the feeling, like answers to pages of personal questions, handwritten in the prettiest ink and then hung up on the fridge like a certificate. Hueningkai made his chest bloom in love and belonging. No past relationship could compare to the friendship and closeness that he and Hueningkai had.

“I get that not everything happens this way,” Soobin had explained to Yeonjun one cold evening, when Hueningkai was out buying presents with Taehyun. “Not everyone just falls in love with their best friend, but…”

“Why overthink it?” 

These days, wherever Yeonjun went, Beomgyu was sure to follow, and wherever Beomgyu went, Yeonjun trailed right behind him. Soobin was proud of the both of them, for falling so hard and so quickly, for challenging each other and being the kind of fire that didn’t need to be rekindled and stoked over and over again. 

“Why overthink it, if you know the answer already?” Beomgyu repeated, humming in thought. His sweater was suspiciously similar to something that Soobin had seen Yeonjun wear before, but the eldest seemed completely unbothered about it. “If you love your best friend, isn’t that kind of… I don’t know. It sounds nice. Like natural soulmates.”

“I’m a big believer in platonic and non-platonic soulmates,” Yeonjun agreed from behind the both of them, fixing hot cups of coffee for the three. 

“I could be overthinking though,” Soobin lamented, sliding spoons across the table for the three of them. “I don’t want to be mistaking this close friendship as love- I don’t even know if I _know_ what love is.”

Yeonjun scoffed at that, setting the coffee and cream right in front of Soobin. “You know already, you’re just being doubtful. Have some confidence in yourself, Soobin. You’re stunning. You have that fire in your eyes.”

Later, after Hueningkai had returned home and both Yeonjun and Beomgyu were already gone, Soobin stared at himself in the mirror. This Soobin was different from the Soobin that had been left behind. He was an interesting person, though he was simple. He liked to enjoy things simply. He liked his simple life and easy routine, and he loved the people in his inner circle. There was nothing that Soobin wouldn’t do to keep things as simple as this. The checklist in his mind, of things to fight and win for, was so much longer than it used to be.

Maybe Yeonjun was right. There was a fire in his eyes this time, and the common denominator in his additive likes and likes and likes was an interesting number called Hueningkai.

Christmas with the five of them in Yeonjun’s decorated loft was easy. They piled themselves wherever there was a place to sit, and they ate pre-made, sprinkle covered cookies. The heater turned their cheeks warm, and among all of that, there was that closeness and familiarity. Soobin kept his arm around Hueningkai, not out of possession, but comfort. When they made eye contact, the two of them melted into each others’ irises. 

Hueningkai shone like a personal sun, but he was also a planet to Soobin. Soobin wanted to be his moon and keep his face toward the others as they continued to orbit. There were five of them in the room, but Soobin was finding it troublesome to keep his attention away for too long. When Hueningkai laughed and collapsed against Soobin’s shoulders, Soobin confidently knew that this was what he wanted. This is what he would want forever. 

He never felt plain around Hueningkai. The other made him feel like the most important person in the room. He listened so intently to Soobin that it occasionally made Soobin shy. He played with his fingers, teasing them in between his own as they ghosted between interlacing their fingers and just playing with each others’ palms. That was okay too- there was so much time in the world. It had taken Soobin this long to answer the question, but he was sure he had the right answer by now.

Their friends watched them fondly. “You two are so cute,” Yeonjun bravely teased, voice quiet. Hueningkai had drowsily fallen asleep against Soobin’s shoulder some time just after midnight, unable to make it from Christmas Eve into Christmas Day. 

Soobin had only hummed, pulling up one of the blankets over Hueningkai’s shoulder, effectively tucking him in as best as he could without disturbing him. Their friends had waited for this moment, had probably been waiting for this for as long as Soobin and Yeonjun had broken up. And Soobin for once, had the courage to understand why.

It was like they had blinked, and now there they were. Soobin and Hueningkai liked to spend New Years’ Eve alone, just the two of them, and several bottles of sparkling apple cider. It made them feel fancy, they’d reasoned when they bought it despite its cost. With stomachs full of food and arms full of just each other, there couldn’t have been a better place to be.

“Soobinnie-hyung, what’s your wish for the new year?” Hueningkai asked. They shared a blanket, sitting once again on their old couch. They had taken photos together earlier, and Hueningkai’s camera rested on the coffee table in front of them. There were bits of the both of them all over the apartment, mingling with each other like it was meant to be that way.

Soobin smiled. It was meant to be that way, for sure.

“I’m not sure yet,” Soobin mused. He leaned back onto Hueningkai, until he’d once again turned his best friend into a personal couch pillow. Hueningkai didn’t do so much as fake groan at being ‘used for land development’ before settling down. “I’m kind of glad with how things are,” he added. That much was true. 

The timer on the news broadcast slowly ticked down, closer and closer to the new year. 

The upcoming year would be different, Soobin thought, but he was easily distracted by Hueningkai’s nervous, twisting fingers on the blanket. “Kai-yah, how about you? What are you looking forward to?”

There’s an ambiguous look in Hueningkai’s eyes, like he’s struggling to find the right words to say to Soobin, and Soobin pushes himself up to watch carefully, though staying silent to give Hueningkai the time to think. Hueningkai was normally so quick with words that it made heat prickle at the back of Soobin’s neck.

He didn’t mean to cross an imaginary line with Hueningkai, not if that was something he didn’t want either. 

Hueningkai took a deep breath, and the tension melted out of his expressions. Instead, he fixed Soobin with a goofy smile. “Isn’t it that if I tell you, it won’t come true?” Hueningkai asked.

There was a fire in his eyes. No, he was certain, Hueningkai was answering the same questions as himself. He was simple, a staple in Soobin’s life. He was someone so bright that he illuminated all of the space between them. 

“Then why’d you ask me?” Soobin teased in response, nudging Hueningkai’s shoulder, only to crack a grin when the other had laughed. The timer on the news continued to click downward, to a brand new beginning of something that would be inherently the same, but brand new in nature. The both of them were curious. The both of them wanted to try. “If you think it’ll do some weird math and cancel out?”

“I’m just curious,” Hueningkai brattily answered. “I just want… Hm. Hmmmm.”

Soobin raised an eyebrow, waiting for Hueningkai to continue. “What is it?”

“I want you to go on a date with me.”

If Hueningkai had something like that earlier in the year, Soobin would’ve been surprised. Here, on their same, simple couch, with their answered questions and no longer forty-eight point bolded letterings on their screens, and with their confidently clasped hands and chests just centimeters apart, there was no room left for insecurity. The two of them decided to simply beam. 

“All of that wind up, just to ask me on a date, Kai?” Soobin smiled, struggling to keep his lips under control. It made his eyes crinkle. He wanted to keep Hueningkai this close forever. Perhaps they’d always been perfect for each other, especially after the younger had nodded his floofy head of hair up and down, nothing short of confident and sure. “Oh, what am I supposed to do with you, Hueningie? I just like you so much.”

Hueningkai laughed, overjoyed, that sweet cackle and crinkling of his eyes, before he latched his arms around Soobin’s shoulders, hugging him so, so tightly. “You can tell people you’re all mine!”

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
